In Still

I'm Dating

I'm her Boyfriend

I'm his Girlfriend

I'm Engaged

I'm Married

I'm Pregnant

I'm a Father

I'm a Mother

I'm Still Single. 

Why is singleness still? 

Why is it an automatic label of discontentment?

Why does singleness have a feeling and reputation of being chained in a room with no way out. A holding cell for the “not chosen”, the “less fortunate”, the “unlovable”, the ones with warning labels that look complicated compared to the ones over there. 

There is so much pride taken in being something to someone else. I love being a daughter, belonging to parents and them being mine. I enjoy being a friend to my friends. The sense of belonging and welcoming I feel in these fragile spaces. I have a place within these spheres. 

But yet, “sill single”. It screams louder than thunder and shines brighter than a pimple on picture day. Still single, ripples of the tongues of grandparents, old friends, and mentors. Your still single? It is an honest question and natural wonder. It is the still that trips me up. What is so bad about being single?

The only bad thing, that gets me every time, is the way everyone else is discontent with what my life looks like; how it moves and flows. 

Why am I not supposed to have pride in where I am at, no matter what it looks like? 

Do I struggle with loneliness, yes.

Do I struggle with temptation, yes.

Do I sometimes want to settle for less, yes.

Do I sometimes doubt my life, yes.

Am I discontent, at times yes. 

But just because I am not where I hope to be at moments, does not mean I am not proud of where I am today. The not yet or never will bes are real wonders, but they do not compare to the beauty of who I am becoming now. 

Still single, sure, but I promise you it is not still by any measure. Circumstances can look stuck and bland to the naked eye, but beyond the surface there is a raging ocean. Still does not have to be connected to single, just as “stillness” does not have to be attached to being stuck, unfulfilled, or unwanted. 

I will never have it all or be without struggles. I am single and maybe one day I’ll be someone to someone else, just as I am a daughter and friend, but maybe I won’t. 

What is your “still” label?

Maybe you are still childless.

Maybe you are still a student.

Maybe you are still an assistant.

Maybe you are still unemployed.

Maybe you are sill the backup plan.

Maybe you are still dating.

Maybe you are still sick. 

Whatever it is. I can only share that where you are is not without a window, there is hope. There is a maybe in the not yet, but there is also an invitation in the “no”. 

Is God good, even if I do not get what takes me beyond my without? 

It is a hard question, that opens up so much more than expected.

For me the answer is yes. God is good, even still, He is good. 

In this moment I am “still” a lot of things. It frustrates people. It is kind of fun to not fit their mold, but frustrating when I realize how I have let the outside dictate how I view my one wild life.

 

So to all the “stills”, you are not a burden. Just as every role in life has abundant joy within it, so do you. Just as every part of life has darkness, so do you. 

There is nothing “still” about you. You are so much more, than what people see or wonder. There is no chain shackled to you, no limitation to what God can do with you when you are still. 

- Hannah

There Is No Difference

^“This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” 

Romans 3:22-24 (NIV)

 

I do not watch the news. I avoid it at all cost. The more I watch the more anxious and angry I become. One moment I am crying, the next I want to throw every electronic device I own out the window. I am agitated, because I understand the pain and know what it feels like to want to exact revenge, to “make them understand”. The uncomfortable reality of sin is not just of the world, it is of me. There is not a single living person in this world who does not know the pain of selfishness, impulse, and revenge. But, there are many who do not know Jesus. This is where I wrestle. I want to scream at every person who has caused pain, but then I look up and see my face. 

There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. I grew up reciting Romans 3:23 as a church kid. It is a short, sweet beginner verse for those who have memorization challenges, tell me I am not the only one who suffers with this? As a kid I memorized it, but as a young adult I discovered the beginning of the sentence. We miss so much when we leave out the beginning. In the beginning temptation and desire led to forbidden fruit eaten and sin ushered in. 

From that moment on we were born into sin, every tribe, nation, and tongue sinners in need of a Savior. Every soul behind the gun, every hand building a bomb, and every thumb poised for the online war, sinners in need of a Savior. Every soul in the pew, preacher on stage, and ministry servant, sinners in need of a Savior. We are the same. We all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. I want to turn it all off and point fingers at the faces behind the guns, bombs, and political frustration. But, then I would have to point the finger at me, because we are no different. My rebellion and anger may not come out the same way, but it all has the same name.

The life takers, shame makers, water walkers, giant slayers, policy changers, and church attenders; we are the same. We live in the painful reality of sin. We have all fallen short of the glory of God.  

There is an ending to this sentence. A strong declaration that sets me apart only because of the blood of Jesus, not by my own doing but His. Justification. I am sealed by the blood of Christ to freely move around in his grace and redemption. I have Him. I have sin. We are the same. The struggle rages inside of me, smash every connection to the outside world and my face staring back at me. The face I see remembers her before. Before Jesus I was a liar, cheat, thief, and recklessly disobedient. 

I am a sinner. I am justified. Both truths live inside of me; the sinner and the saint. I struggle. I fail. I am not different, but I am not who I was. I have justification in Christ, forgiveness from and for my sins. I am bathed in grace and that is what calls me to look. Obedience. To face the screens before me and see individual souls who are in pain, fear, and brokenness. I may want to shut out the pain of this world, but it is those in pain who are crying for help. Reaching for hope, to be seen, heard, and known. 

Behind every heartbreaking action is a heart that is broken, a heart that needs Jesus because we are the same.

Jesus doesn’t keep us from entertaining sin, but he doesn’t shove us out the door to preach either. But, He invites us to trust the equipping of His Spirit in us to invite everyone else.  Jesus invites us in and I think the world really wants to know Him. It may not look like it, but the pain I see and the cries that shatter my heart remind me that Jesus freely redeems every broken heart. We are the same, fallen short of the glory of God. 

- Hannah

A Fiction Week

This week has been filled with new book discoveries and It Started with Goodbye and One Paris Love are two of them. Both these books are published under Blink, a division of Harper Collins. Blink’s goal is to produce YA books that are clean without sacrificing gritty storylines and dynamic characters. They have several stand-alone novels as well as series that I am excited to dive into. 

It Started With Goodbye by Christina June

Family dynamics are tricky as it is, but when you find yourself in the wrong place with the wrong boyfriend for a best friend at the wrong time, tricky is not an accurate word. This is the situation Tatum finds herself in with her step-family. Tatum is sixteen when she is accused of a crime she didn’t commit and sentenced to summer of house arrest and community service. She serves her time under the watchful of her stepmother while her dad is away. She spends the limited free time that she has operating an underground graphic design business, which leads to the discovery of another secret operation in the room next door. Her stepsister has her own secret, which may open the door for the redemption of Tatum and her fractured family.

I love spunky outspoken characters and that is who Tatum is, she is an artistic soul who speaks her mind. She does not hold back and that was the hook that kept me reading. Clean fiction is hard to come by and it is even harder to find books that are clean and have compelling storylines. This book is both of those things. If you know a young person or your just young at heart like me, this story will pull at your heart strings and make you look at the hard to love people around you with new perspective.

Great story with a lot of heart.

One Paris Love by Denise Grover Swank

A summer in Paris would make any girl swoon with delight, but not Sophie. After her father walked out on them a year ago with no explanation, she finds herself along with her brother on the way to attend his wedding and meet their new step-sister, who has agreed to show them around the city. Sounds like a sweet deal, until step-sister turns out to be worse than the textbook definition. Sophie’s summer is miserable and is made worse by being away from her beloved piano. Auditions are on the line and she is rooming with her worst nightmare, but Sophie cannot escape the charm of Paris. There are two new boys fighting for her affection and wild adventures under the tower lights, Sophie’s summer is a wild adventure.

Sophie’s story is charming. It is beautiful picture of perseverance when everyone dislikes you, and fighting for your dream when the one you love doesn’t support you. I read this book in one night, I could not put it down. Seeing Sophie transform from timid to a strong young woman who knows her worth and the value of what she has to offer the world is what all of us should grow in ourselves and encourage in those around us. I hope you will grab this book for any young woman in your life, it would make a great vacation read, especially if you find yourself stuck at home when you really want to be in Paris; the imagery in this book is breathtaking. This book is uplifting and warmed my heart, I hope it will touch yours too.

- Hannah