Expectations

Thanksgiving has passed, and we are inching closer to the next round of holiday festivities.

As we wrap-up this last week of the last series of 2018, my prayer is that we would loosen our grips and grow roots. 

Expectations. As the cheesy Christmas movies and commercials kick into high gear, I feel the pressure and strong desire for the “picture ready” family. I want the picture-perfect Christmas holiday with all the memories, traditions, and togetherness. It makes me sick how much I want what it is not mine to have. 

Expectations. I grip my hands so tight over what is only a fantasy. I pray and hope that one day it might be my reality. Not just seeming merry and bright but actually living it out. The problem is that others cannot fulfill the desire of my heart. A close-knit family can’t give me joy or peace. It looks that way on TV and those delightful Hallmark movies but there is more to experiencing the holiday spirit. The Spirit. 

Expecting people to fulfill roles they were never meant to play will only lead us to more and more resentment and disappointment in what this time of year and life in general is about. Joy. As we seek it we find it only in Jesus. As we start to experience it, our lives start to shift. It becomes more about Jesus and others than us and what we are trying to force to happen. 

The spirit we are searching for and we crave to feel during this time of year isn’t something our family time can give us. It can only be found through Jesus. We can create and set the stage for family togetherness, but that deep rooted joy is not from the experience but from God. 

We have to let go of expecting our families to fulfill what they never will be able to. We have to let go of trying to curate joy and peace. Our expectations and desires are beautiful. They are. But joy, peace, love, and transformation of our hearts is freely given and done by Christ. Expectations turn into surrender when we let go and trust that He can fulfill what we want more than a pretty picture.  When we are with Him, that is where our joy will be found.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

God, thank you for these friends. Help us let our families off the hook for what only you can give us; joy. When we are looking at all the pictures, buying gifts, and dreaming up ways to make Christmas happen, help us to remember that you are why we have this day. Joy is only found in knowing you. Help us to trust you and let go of trying to make joy happen. Thank you for being our source of everything we desire and giving us the precious gift of family. We love you. 

- Hannah

Thank You

Thank you is easier said when we feel like it’s deserved. 

Not being thankful for my family is the most uncomfortable and scandalous thing I could ever admit to. But there have been seasons when the last thing I am, is thankful for my absent and detached family. It’s hard to be thankful for people you don’t know and don’t seem to want to know you. People that would rather hang out with their friends, than spend time with you during the holidays. Disappointment is hard to be thankful for, but that is where the twist is. 

My family and being disappointed are two different things. 

Family is living and breathing, loved by God, and put in my life and yours for a reason. Disappointment is a feeling that can breed all sorts of evil within us. It grows bitterness and builds walls around the heart. Disappointment produces an icky aroma of selfishness, like a skunk on a crisp day.

We can be disappointed in our families and we may not trust them, but those emotions, no matter how valid, are no reason for us to not be thankful for their presence and who they are. My family may not show up in my life when I wish they would, but they are good, kind, and compassionate people. They may not love me the way I would like to be loved, but they love others well. They are not perfect, but they are God’s precious ones, he created them on purpose for a divine purpose. 

I am not owed the love and care of my family. None of us are owed that love, it is freely given. Being thankful for who we share a table with on holidays and a name with for the rest of our lives is the gift we have been given. Let us say thanks and give our requests about our family to God. He can take our disappointment and transform it into peace.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

We can be thankful for our families and trust God with our disappointment in them and ourselves.

God, thank you for these dear friends. We give our families to you. Each individual and circumstance is in your hands, and we trust you with the mess. Please take our disappointment and transform it into peace that only you can give. Help us to not let disappointment keep us from being thankful for the people around our tables. Thank you for giving us our families. Their lives are precious to you, help them be precious to us. We love you. 

- Hannah 

Grace Is Freely Given

Big thanks to my mom for stepping up on the blog this week. I am struggling with an intense infection and the medicine is wiping me and my brain out. She was so kind to step in this week and write on the next topic in the family series, grace. Welcome my Mom! - Hannah

We put a lot of unnecessary pressure on ourselves and our families this time of year. We make our plan for the perfect family event, issue the invitation for family members to arrive at 11:30 a.m., lunch will be served precisely at noon, and everyone will be settled in front of the TV in plenty of time for the kick-off of the must see game. This event only happens once a year and we desire perfection.  But, on the big day there is one family that arrives an hour late, the meal is served late, and the entire plan goes up in smoke. 

How do we react when our plan is destroyed because someone shows up late or maybe doesn’t show up at all? I know in my family there is a lot of grumbling and complaining about those who are holding things up. There is a lot of talk recalling all of the instances where they have been late or caused disappointment in the past.

This is not how Jesus treats us when we sin and disappoint him. He gives freely of his grace and forgives us every time we sin and cause him pain. I know extending grace and forgiving family members is hard, especially when we have to keep forgiving for the same offense over and over again. But isn’t that what Jesus does for us? I know I’ve been struggling with some of the same sins for over 40 years and he keeps forgiving me and working in me. Grace is hard because we want to put conditions on it. If they will just do this one thing, whatever that one thing might be, I will forgive them. Romans 11:6 tells us grace based on works is not grace. Grace is freely given.

This holiday season join me in the challenge to extend grace to family members. The only way we can successfully meet this challenge is with God’s help. 

God, Thank you for this season and all the reasons we have to be thankful and celebrate. Thank you for your grace that is freely given to us. Please give us the strength and grace we need in order to extend grace to our family members who cause us pain and disappointment during this holiday season and moving forward.   

- Angela (Hannah's Mom)