You're Single, So Freaking What

Our womanhood is not measured by our relationship status. You are not less of a woman, because you are single. You are not more of a woman if you are dating or married. Being without a someone to hold, someone to know, someone to love, or someone to adventure with does not make you worth less. Having someone does not make you a woman of worth. You are single, so freaking what. So what. 

God does not look at you and call you loved because you have a love by your side. God looks at you and calls you chosen, loved, desired, wanted, and needed because you are His. You are someone to the man whose love is everlasting. 

I am not saying date Jesus. I am not saying you will never have a foot pop and kiss love for better and for worse. 

Your worth, your design, your essence is fully woman as a single. Your essence is fully woman while you date. Your essence is fully woman as a wife. You are a woman and no man can give that to you or change the fact of who you are. 

You are a woman. You are strong. You are delicate. You are beautiful. You are tough. You are sensitive.

You are not a little girl because you are single. You are a woman. 

I can’t tell you how many times I have felt left behind or looked down on because I have never dated; because I am single. Daters and wives treat me as a little girl who knows nothing and will never know anything until I cross off the triad. Date. Marry. Sex. Then, I will know. I will be a woman. I will be “mature”. I will be wise. I will be a fully realized woman, not a child stuck in a twenty-something body. 

Yes, dating, love, marriage, and sex are experiences and from all experiences we learn and grow. It is true. I will give every woman that has made us feel less than a point. But, those experiences do not make us wise women or send us to our fullest potential in maturity and experience. 

I was told by a pastor years ago that I would not be qualified to work in youth ministry until I had sex. Then I could work with young women and be all the things they needed me to be. I remember walking away from that meeting feeling small and insignificant. I had just been told that my worth and ability to serve in ministry was tied to my experiences in love. Without having someone I am no-one and worthless to the church and in life. 

I looked at my past and wondered if I should have said “yes” to the guy who wanted to have sex with me. I should have said “yes” to the guy who only wanted to date me to know Jesus. I should have started dressing more “sexy”, showing off my body more. Wearing make-up that makes my skin break-out in all sorts of itchy evil. Dumbing myself down to be more “in need” of rescue from a man.

Because I wasn’t where everyone else was in terms of  “experience,” I felt small, unlovable, and of no use. 

Lies, love. 

All the lies that are spun around relationships and worth. They are sick, and I know you have your own stories about run-ins with people that have tangled you up in lies about who you are in relation to what I call the “time line of life”.

You know what I am talking about. The whole go to college, meet someone, and get married all before you are in your mid-twenties. If you were raised in church, sometimes the pressure looks more like marrying as young as you possibly can. You find it, put a ring on it fast and get hitched quick. I threw out that time line a long time ago. Because my journey is my journey and your story is your story. When, Where, Why, and How may be a big deal to some people, but the answers to those questions do not measure your worth or qualification as a woman.

Where you are in life and love does not qualify or disqualify you from the woman club or the church club. You are a woman and you’re God’s daughter, fully loved and fully qualified and equipped for where you are on your journey and to be loved and respected by a man. You are worth pursuing. You can serve your church and community. And no amount of experience or lack of disqualifies you from living a beautiful and fulfilled life as a daughter of God, as a woman set apart for a good work.

I will say it again. 

We are single. So freaking what! 

- Hannah

Free As A Bird

Freedom is an odd thing in this world. The United States is a “free country”, though differences of opinion and belief are often seen as hindrances, instead of reasons to celebrate and embrace our freedom. We are all unique and we all believe differently. I may not agree with someone else, but I am learning to embrace those differences, because from my point of view differences do not separate us; they help us grow if we allow them too. They are not opportunities for us to diminish others, but to see the depth of this world. Freedom is often fought against, not for, in this world. We either want our way or the highway, all in the name of “freedom”. 

Freedom is complicated and just because I am single does not mean I am “extra free” or freer than my married and parenting friends. 

Having time for yourself and prioritizing what you would like to accomplish is a journey for everyone. Single, married, or parenting. I can see where my married friends are coming from, because now they are having to consider dynamics they did not have to think about before; another person. 

It is true, I do not have to think about someone else when I am scheduling trips or consider buying a pair of shoes. In that sense I am “freer”. But even then those examples are superficial in the grand scheme of things. I have responsibilities too. Just because I do not have a husband and a family does not mean I am free to do and go wherever I want when I want to. 

I am horrible at prioritizing myself over the responsibilities I have in life. I am a workaholic. I am a perfectionist. I love a great vacation or just having fun, but I am horrible at prioritizing it. But, because I am single I am supposedly living it up according to my married friends. I have responsibilities too and I have a hard time walking away from them. 

We are all free, but are we willing to embrace it. Are we wiling to make time for ourselves, to do what we love? It is a question all of us need to ask, no matter what season we are in. We all have things that take priority and should, because they are important, but they are not the most important thing. 

We need time with our friends. We need time with our families. We need time for ourselves away from the crazy, to take care of ourselves. Sometimes we need to treat ourselves to that pair of shoes, a new outfit, a weekend away, a bubble bath, whatever it is for you. Go do it. Plan it and prioritize it, because you are free; whether you have to discuss with your spouse or you are single and needing to have a good old sit down with yourself. Take time to have that discussion, because you are free and need to take time to do what you love and invest in you. 

Freedom is a crazy debate and honestly it needs to stop being apart of the discussion when it comes to singleness, because we are all in the same boat. Going, doing, and being is on the table for all of us, but we all need to be willing to take advantage of it in whatever season we are in. Freedom is not measured by the lack of personal ties we have in love and life, it is given to all of us in Christ. 

- Hannah

Bling Bling Discovery

For many years I lived to meet expectations. The lines became blurred between my and other’s desires and God’s hope for me. I grew up in church. I grew up in a believing home. I was a church ministry kid, I guess I still am. My parents have been involved in serving the church for years in multiple capacities that have shifted with the seasons and personal growth. My own serving and participation has ebbed and flowed as well. I have a tender place in my heart for church.  It is a unique relationship. Us. Others. Jesus. It can also be a paralyzing relationship as Jesus becomes less and other personal tweets and viewpoints become louder than the Truth that set me free. 

Self-discovery. It is used in relation to singleness a lot and it is a great season to spend on yourself, because you do not have someone else you are having to think about. But rarely is that true. I have friends and family I care about deeply. I have expectations flying all around me. I am not alone or without responsibility. Having people and responsibility in your life does not make self-discovery an “impossible” pursuit.

Personal growth and understanding who you are is a life long journey, because we are continually growing and being transformed through Christ. While singleness is a great season to really dive into your faith for yourself and figure out your likes and dislikes, learning about yourself does not start and stop here. It keeps going. And knowing yourself and God better does not mean you are going to have an easier time in a relationship or even marriage. Life is hard and you are going to continue to grow in your faith and yourself as every year goes by with or without a partner by your side. 

Knowing what you believe, like, love, and dislike in life is not a journey to go on for the benefit of others, but for yourself. Cutting through the expectations and thoughts of others helps us to figure out where we stand on issues and personal preferences in life. Hopefully you have friends and family in your life who celebrate all the unique ways you are you; who do not fight against your taste in food, bands, books, and where you are in your faith, but encourage you to keep going and being you. 

Self-discovery and knowing what you truly believe, like, and dislike is a forever journey that just happens to correspond with the “start” of singleness, because of age. But, there is no right or wrong time to start diving in and asking yourself what you truly believe versus what you have accepted because you do not want to offend your friends or to fit in a mold. 

Keep getting to know yourself, wherever you are on your journey. Keep trying new things and considering faith and life for yourself; that is how you will grow and continue to be you in all the wonderful ways God made you; in all the twists and turns of your journey. 

I think of the Proverbs 31 woman in all her varied interests and loves in her life. She was multifaceted, complex in her unique God design. So are you. Lets find out more about ourselves for the sake of embracing ourselves instead of for someone else. 

Let’s dig into our faith to know God more, for the sake of our relationship with Him, instead of for the sake of getting something or someone in return. 

Singleness is a great place in life to start diving in to who you are and what you believe, but it should never stop when you get some bling bling. 

- Hannah