You're Single, So Freaking What

Our womanhood is not measured by our relationship status. You are not less of a woman, because you are single. You are not more of a woman if you are dating or married. Being without a someone to hold, someone to know, someone to love, or someone to adventure with does not make you worth less. Having someone does not make you a woman of worth. You are single, so freaking what. So what. 

God does not look at you and call you loved because you have a love by your side. God looks at you and calls you chosen, loved, desired, wanted, and needed because you are His. You are someone to the man whose love is everlasting. 

I am not saying date Jesus. I am not saying you will never have a foot pop and kiss love for better and for worse. 

Your worth, your design, your essence is fully woman as a single. Your essence is fully woman while you date. Your essence is fully woman as a wife. You are a woman and no man can give that to you or change the fact of who you are. 

You are a woman. You are strong. You are delicate. You are beautiful. You are tough. You are sensitive.

You are not a little girl because you are single. You are a woman. 

I can’t tell you how many times I have felt left behind or looked down on because I have never dated; because I am single. Daters and wives treat me as a little girl who knows nothing and will never know anything until I cross off the triad. Date. Marry. Sex. Then, I will know. I will be a woman. I will be “mature”. I will be wise. I will be a fully realized woman, not a child stuck in a twenty-something body. 

Yes, dating, love, marriage, and sex are experiences and from all experiences we learn and grow. It is true. I will give every woman that has made us feel less than a point. But, those experiences do not make us wise women or send us to our fullest potential in maturity and experience. 

I was told by a pastor years ago that I would not be qualified to work in youth ministry until I had sex. Then I could work with young women and be all the things they needed me to be. I remember walking away from that meeting feeling small and insignificant. I had just been told that my worth and ability to serve in ministry was tied to my experiences in love. Without having someone I am no-one and worthless to the church and in life. 

I looked at my past and wondered if I should have said “yes” to the guy who wanted to have sex with me. I should have said “yes” to the guy who only wanted to date me to know Jesus. I should have started dressing more “sexy”, showing off my body more. Wearing make-up that makes my skin break-out in all sorts of itchy evil. Dumbing myself down to be more “in need” of rescue from a man.

Because I wasn’t where everyone else was in terms of  “experience,” I felt small, unlovable, and of no use. 

Lies, love. 

All the lies that are spun around relationships and worth. They are sick, and I know you have your own stories about run-ins with people that have tangled you up in lies about who you are in relation to what I call the “time line of life”.

You know what I am talking about. The whole go to college, meet someone, and get married all before you are in your mid-twenties. If you were raised in church, sometimes the pressure looks more like marrying as young as you possibly can. You find it, put a ring on it fast and get hitched quick. I threw out that time line a long time ago. Because my journey is my journey and your story is your story. When, Where, Why, and How may be a big deal to some people, but the answers to those questions do not measure your worth or qualification as a woman.

Where you are in life and love does not qualify or disqualify you from the woman club or the church club. You are a woman and you’re God’s daughter, fully loved and fully qualified and equipped for where you are on your journey and to be loved and respected by a man. You are worth pursuing. You can serve your church and community. And no amount of experience or lack of disqualifies you from living a beautiful and fulfilled life as a daughter of God, as a woman set apart for a good work.

I will say it again. 

We are single. So freaking what! 

- Hannah