The Purge

There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears is not complete in love. - 1 John 4:18

Question: What is one thing you can purge today that will make a positive impact on your home or life? (Hint: This needn’t be a material thing.) 

Purge, to rid (someone) of an unwanted feeling, memory, or condition, typically giving a sense of cathartic release. What is interesting about purge is that one of the synonyms is purify, to remove contaminants from. I wish some of the dark memories would go out the window, but those memories keep me turning to God. I keep going back to this, but it is an issue in my life, it is the main reason I am traveling through recovery; fear.

Fear is tricky. There is the healthy kind that kicks in when there is danger or an unwise situation. The one that says do not go here by yourself or go out in the dark alone. That fear has kept me from my own unique brand of stupid. Then there is the fear that thrives off of insecurity. The fear that takes those past situations where you felt smaller than a spec in your capability and intelligence as a human being and keeps you trapped there while time keeps passing by. That is the side of fear that I experience most often. It zaps me back in time and I freeze. I let it feed off of me and take captive my identity more than I would like to admit. Purging.

I would love to purge fear. To be cleansed from my unrighteousness. To be purified by a love that cannot be in the presence of fear. I am working on it. It is this thing called a process, sometimes I get sick and tired of hearing the word process. I would love some absolute cut and dry absence of fear for the rest of my life. I am continually and constantly surrendering my fear. The fact that I am writing a blog again is proof that God’s love drives out fear. I stopped writing and even decided to trade it all in to become a teacher, because of fear. Writing scares me. I love it, but it terrifies me to my core. I study, read, and learn from some of the greatest writers and communicators in this world. I am thankful for them, but in light of them I get scared to be faithful with the gift I have been given. I have been given much, but I am scared to use it. 

What is one thing that I can purge today that will make a positive impact in my life? Today, tomorrow, and as long as it takes I am purging the buckets of buds, stalks, and roots of fear that have mucked up the garden of my heart. Fear that I let in because it looked more beneficial than fearlessness; than diving in and saying yes to daily walking forward in my gifts while remembering God’s faithfulness to me. 

My fear, that unhealthy chain laden kind, is a form of unfaithfulness. So I am a daily and forever work in progress. God does not see me through a lens of fear, but a lens of purity, white as snow clean. Fear is not a part of my identity in Christ, the identity I have been given. Much has been given so that I can live in the freedom and absence of many things, which includes my fear. There is freedom from this. A freedom door is right there. It is a daily choice to open it, accept it, and live in that space. 

I am purging fear today. I made the choice this morning, sometimes it takes me to the afternoon or I let full days go by without surrender, I listen to the fear. Today I am not listening. I am choosing to walk in freedom. To believe that I have been given too much to let fear be a factor. Today I am writing, painting, reading, laughing, and working on projects one step at a time. I am going to purge it today, give it up, for the fruit that grows in my heart as I step into the secret place, a place of purity of fearlessness because of regeneration through the blood of Jesus. Perfect love drives out fear. I can purge fear, because of the love I have accepted, the love that comes from Christ. Only the love of Christ can purge my unrighteousness and unfaithfulness. The words of man that tore me down at young ages and helped plant seeds that grew roots that have turned into a whole ugly cycle in my heart. The words of mere man can’t drive out my fear. They can’t drive it out, I can’t drive it out in my own will. I can’t. I do not have that power. But with God. But with God, I can experience freedom, a fearlessness that takes steps daily to walk in the will of God.

Purging doesn’t happen without perfect love.   

- Hannah