Belief

"Authenticity is not the watering down of your message to help someone accept your words. Authenticity, I think, is simply trying to find the kindest way to tell the whole truth." - Erin Loechner

Question: Write down what you believe to be true about God. Where did you first learn this? How has your belief evolved since? Does it still hold true? Why or why not? 

I believe God is sovereign over all things. He is faithful in all things, and there is a divine reason for how all things are used for good for those who love Him. Every bump is used to teach me and bring me into a deeper relationship when I surrender my shame and embrace His grace. I believe God is loving and just, what He says is true and He is not going to shift to suit the times and culture norms. His words are for our growth, grace, and protection…wisdom in the secret place. 

I learned these things in church, but I claimed these truths along my own journey of brokenness. Before, I relied on truth by others, rather than trusting that God is who He is all of the time, not just in times of desperation. I have seen God reign in darkness and his love notes to my heart, in a sunset, moonrise, divine cups of coffee, and friendship bloomed in pain. God was there. God is here. I learned to look for Him, to seek him.

While all of the above is true of the character and heart of my God and He does not change, I am transformed, broken down and built up when I start to believe that He is who He says he is. What I think I understand is not important when compared to the absolutes of who God is. My understanding is small compared to the knowledge my God. 

These truths are still true, because they are not dependent on circumstance to be true. They are true, because He is true. My understanding founded in religion wavers and dissipates when I come back to that place of pursuing my Savior. The truths of God’s character are, because He was, is, and is to come. 

But, in the unshakable reality of God, my idea of understanding blinds me from the truth. I believed that God demanded perfection of me. That now that I was in this family, forgiven, and free I better not mess it up. I have to be on my toes, jump through hoops, strive, be, and do all the right things. Obviously perfection, as I've discovered over and over, is not attainable no matter how perfect everyone else seems to be. I had to learn that. God demands my heart and surrender, and willingness to accept grace freely given to live set free. 

I believe God doesn’t just call me to live out grace, love, peace, and all the other fruit of living with the Spirit inside of me. He calls me to rest in those and accept them for myself. Without surrender and acceptance I can’t truly live. I believe that God does not want me to live from my own power or on the fumes of religion, but from the Spirit. That sounds mystic, but I have come to see that I am not truly living when I am not surrendering to God. Without surrender there is no life abundant, only a false facade that looks sparkly, but is unfaithfully dead inside. 

This is what has held true about God in my life…He is everything He says He is and not at all what my human understanding tries to make Him to be. My unfaithfulness blinds me and His faithfulness saves me, yet I still will never be able to comprehend all of who He is. I can’t handle it in my flesh. I know this to be true of my God. He is and that is enough. 

- Hannah